So, I’m done.
This is for the people I went to school with. This is for the people who said I was straight up crazy. This is for the people who said I was an attention whore. This is for the people who think they know me. This is for the people who said I was lazy. This is for the people who spread rumors about me. Most of all, this is for me.
I have invisible illnesses and am what's considered "pretty ill" because of that. Basically it means you wouldn’t be able to tell how sick I am by looking at me. It’s why I’ve been able to pull off this whole Miley/Hannah thing for so long. You can read about my specific illnesses in my older posts. My illnesses are rare, I generally am the one educating doctors. They affect my entire body. In the past five years I’ve had to relearn how to walk six times and I’ve almost died five times. I’m not saying this to get pity, in fact that’s the last thing I want. I’m saying this so you’ll realize how sick I have been and how much effort I have put into faking a smile and pretending to be okay everyday.
I hope you’ll take the time to go through my blog and get to know the real me. Maybe things will start to make more sense. I know this is probably confusing, so if you have any questions feel free to ask me them. I appreciate directness.
I’m sorry if you feel deceived, but see it from my perspective. I’ve been judged and looked down on for being sick, which is something many sick people experience. I didn’t want to spend my high school years defined as “that disabled girl” or “that sick girl”. It's also not something that easily comes up in conversation. I mean how awkward is this, "Oh an interesting fact about me? Well, my autonomic nervous doesn't work. My doctors think that's pretty interesting." Yeah, I don't think that would've gone over so well in the "get to know you" games. Also, as I said before my illnesses are rare. Since doctors have a hard time making sense of me, how can I expect teenagers to? Especially since my outside does not match inside, and because my illnesses are chronic. It's not like I'll just wake up one day completely better.
I don’t want to hide anymore. As I said in one of my earlier posts, I hated my body and was so ashamed of it for so long. I’ve learned to love and accept myself the way I am. I think “staying in the closet” is only doing more damage.
So, welcome to the real me.
*Visit Sick Chicks where Shira's "hope is that we are able to build a support network of strong, positive thinking young chronically ill women who do not define themselves by their illness or limitations and choose to make a difference in the world we live in. Sick Chicks will be a place to showcase our abilities, passions, uniqueness and strengths with the hope of inspiring others."